Last year, a couple of weeks before running my first 100 mile ultra marathon in Pembrokeshire, I wrote this post setting out my pre-race anxieties. I was honest, and laid bare all the things I was fretting about.
12 months on, I have answers to those questions that were flying round my head. So, in this post, I have a look back at the anxieties I had, and then what actually happened. Here goes…
Would I be organised enough?
Events like this involve a lot of prep and planning. So it’s only natural questions like the ones below were running through my head at the time:
- ‘Have I got all the kit? Are my waterproofs actually waterproof? What’s the difference between a base layer and a mid layer? And have I got 2 of each? Do I really need a bivvy bag? If I get blisters, what do I do? If it’s pissing down, my feet will be in bits. I’ll just walk in. I’ll probably get my nutrition all wrong. How do you plan for 24 hours worth of food anyway? etc’
What actually happened?
It was fine. I read the organiser’s email a hundred times. I had all the gear. And I bought way too much food.
And one of the best pre-race tips I read, was to leave yourself handwritten notes/instructions in your drop bags. It worked friggin wonders. I felt so groggy at some of the checkpoints – think Homer after 10 Duffs – I’d have struggled without my notes saying things like ‘change top’, ‘put head torch on head’, ‘change socks’, ‘eat noodles’ etc.
So yeah, I worried about the admin, but in the end it was fine.
Would I keep my shit together?
A natural worrier, here’s what was going through my mind before the big day:
- ‘I’m not strong enough upstairs. I don’t have that resilience some people have. If I’m running for 24 hours, what if I lose the plot or flip out? I battle with my mental health enough as it is, let alone putting myself thought this. I’m gonna freak myself out. What am I gonna do if I feel like shit early on? Quit? I’m scared where this might take me’.
What actually happened?
Yes, I was worried I’d freak out, given the scale of the challenge. But I did myself proud on this one.
It’s no mean feat running 35 miles on an injured knee, not to mention through the night. But I did. And I enjoyed it, stayed positive and had fun.
Yep, I know now I can handle it.
Running through the night?
I was a bit worried about this one:
- ‘I haven’t done this before, it’s gonna freak me out. What if I fall? What if my headlight stops working? What if I’m in a pickle and I’ve got no phone reception? I’m not Jason Bourne. Running through the night is not something I do. It’s creeping me out.’
What actually happened?
Running through the night was a little surreal and out of my comfort zone. But I made it through, and even enjoyed it.
Again, prep was key. I had head torches, warm gear and most importantly of all, stuck with a merry bunch of people the whole time.
What I will say is making it through, and seeing the first break of dawn on such a quiet, clear morning, was spectacular. And not something I’ll forget in a hurry.
The ascent
I was really worried about this one:
- ‘5,000 metres?! No chance. It’ll kill me. Even if I could run 100 miles in one go, there’s no way I can do it with that ascent. I don’t even run in the hills much. I’m such an idiot entering this race. I’ll be lucky to make it half way. It’s gonna wreck me.’
What actually happened?
It was…hard. After all, I live in Cardiff, don’t get to train in the hills as much as I’d like, and 5,000 metres of climb is equivalent to five Snowdon’s.
However, I got through it ok for two reasons: 1) I crammed in hill training before the race, and 2) I had a plan (‘If it’s flat, run. If it’s uphill, walk. If it’s downhill, take it easy’), which I stuck to.
This was worrying me. But like a lot of things in life, when you’re face to face with a monster, it’s not always as scary as you’d imagined it would be, and you find ways to push on.
Could I finish it?
Finally, the big one. Naturally, I was full of positivity:
- ‘Absolutely no chance. It’s too hard. It’s too far. I’ll be lucky to make it to mile 60, let alone 100. I’m an average runner. I haven’t trained anywhere near enough. Who am I kidding? What if I pull out early? After all that prep, I’ll look a right tit. It’ll break me. I just can’t see me finishing it. I’ll crash out early and humiliate myself.’
What actually happened?
Well, I didn’t finish it. I wrote about the race here and the reasons why. In short, I injured my knee 40 miles in. After 75 miles, I was in agony and retired at a checkpoint in Fishguard.
In that moment, I was devastated. But after a few hours kip, I felt much better. After all, I’d run 75 miles, made it through the night, met some great people, enjoyed fantastic weather and learnt a lot about myself.
A year on…
I ended my post last year saying it would be the hardest thing I’d ever do. Well, it was. And it bugs me I didn’t finish it.
So, I want a second crack. Which is why I’m trying my luck again in this year’s ‘Dragon‘, a 100 mile ultra marathon from Rhosilli to Cardiff in May.
Now, I have less doubts flying round my head but one question still remains: can I finish it?
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